BEFORE you set another goal: The Missing Step That Actually Changes Your Life

New Year, Aligned You — Powered by the Life by Design Method™

Every January, the world collectively buys new planners, opens fresh Google Docs, and vows to become a shinier, more optimized version of themselves. And if you’re anything like the women I work with, you start the year saying things like:

“This year…

…I am getting my life together.”

…I’m finally becoming that girl.”

…I’m not playing small.”

But here’s the quiet truth no one likes to admit: Most people don’t even make it out of January.

A large-scale behavioral analysis found that nearly 80% of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions by January 19th — a day researchers now jokingly call “Quitter’s Day.”¹

Another survey showed that only 8% of people stick with their resolutions for even one full month, and fewer than 1 in 10 keep them for the entire year.²

So by February?

Most people are already exhausted, overwhelmed, and low-key annoyed at themselves. And here’s the important part: What holds most women back isn’t a lack of drive or direction. It’s the missing groundwork — the part that makes every goal feel heavier than it should.

January hype fades when your goals are aligned with who you wish you were… instead of who you actually are right now. This is the rupture point — the place where so many ambitious women lose their spark. Not because they’re incapable, but because they’ve been building their goals on an unstable foundation. And that foundation is identity.

Because here’s the truth no one teaches you: You don’t need more goals. You need more alignment.

And alignment doesn’t come from forcing habits, romanticizing hustle, or copying what worked for someone on TikTok. Alignment comes from understanding your inner architecture — the motivations, patterns, and beliefs that shape how you show up in the world.

This is where the Life by Design Method™ begins.

Why Traditional Goal Setting Fails (Even If You’re Ambitious AF)

Traditional January goals are designed backwards: You pick an outcome → you push yourself → you burn out → repeat.

And for ambitious women, this cycle hits harder because you’ve mastered functioning through force. But force isn’t a sustainable strategy. It’s a survival strategy.

There are three misaligned goal traps I see over and over:

1. Should Goals

Rooted in expectations, pressure, and “good girl conditioning.” They sound like:

“I should be further along.”

“I should have this figured out by now.”

2. Comparison Goals

You saw someone else do it and believed you needed it too.

These goals rarely land because they weren’t born from your truth — just your proximity to someone else’s highlight reel.

3. Fear-Based Goals

Built around avoiding pain instead of moving toward desire. Your nervous system interprets these goals as unsafe — so it resists. And here’s the science:

When your identity doesn’t match your goal, your brain interprets the goal as a threat — not inspiration.

This is why you procrastinate, lose motivation, or feel stuck. Not because you’re incapable… but because your goals weren’t built for the current version of you.

The Missing Step: Aligning Your Goals With Your Self-Concept

Your self-concept — the way you see yourself — is the invisible engine behind every habit, decision, and opportunity you allow yourself to receive. If you’re trying to create a new chapter with an old identity, you will always feel like you’re pushing a boulder uphill.

This is why the Life by Design Method™ starts with identity work first.

Rediscover → Release → Reclaim → Realign → Rise

These aren’t just steps. They’re a sequence of becoming. Because before you choose your goals… you have to choose your Self.

Your patterns (hello, Enneagram), your conditioning, your inner narratives — these shape your “default operating system.” And if the OS isn’t updated? The goals won’t stick.

How to Create Goals That Feel True — Not Trendy

A taste of the Life by Design micro-process

Step 1: Rediscover — Who Are You Today?

This is where you meet yourself again — your values, your desires, the version of you underneath everyone else’s expectations. It’s the moment you pause long enough to ask what you actually want this year… not the polished, performative version you’ve been taught to present, but the real you, the one who’s been quietly waiting to be considered.

This step activates your Personal Compass — the inner GPS that helps you choose from truth.

Step 2: Release — What’s Getting In the Way?

Here’s where everything that no longer fits begins to show itself: the outdated coping mechanisms, the old identities you’ve outgrown, the protective strategies that once helped you survive but now sabotage your growth. As you sort through these layers, notice where you still find yourself acting from an old chapter — a past version of you that doesn’t align with who you’re becoming.

This is where limiting beliefs, assumptions, interpretations, and the Inner Critic finally get named and cleared.

Step 3: Realign — Goals That Match Your Becoming

When a goal is aligned with your identity, your nervous system doesn’t panic — it relaxes into possibility. Suddenly, what felt impossible begins to feel inevitable. Alignment collapses timelines and shifts your internal state from force to flow. As you shape your goals, pay attention to how they land in your body. Do they feel like expansion… or tension? That somatic cue tells you everything you need to know.

Step 4: Rise — Build Action From Identity, Not Pressure

This is the fun part — the place where your goals become lived, embodied truths. Rise is about micro habits that affirm who you’re stepping into. No hustling. No forcing. Just reinforcing your new energetic blueprint with simple, consistent acts of self-trust.

Ask yourself: What’s one five-minute action your future self would take today?

Start there — because becoming her happens one intentional moment at a time.

Why Alignment Makes Success Feel Effortless

When you’re aligned, you’re no longer fighting yourself.

Your Reticular Activating System (RAS) — the brain’s filter — begins scanning for opportunities, ideas, people, and actions that match your new identity.

When your identity and actions finally match, the entire system recalibrates. Your nervous system relaxes, focus sharpens, and confidence stabilizes. And then, almost quietly, progress accelerates. It’s not magic — it’s alignment doing exactly what it’s designed to do: remove friction.

Aligned action feels like flow, not force. Like truth, not pressure. Like becoming, not performing.

A WORKSHEET FOR YOU

The Year That Finally Feels Like You

If you take away one thing from this: This is not the year of more pressure, more goals, or more perfection. This is the year of alignment. The year of identity. The year of choosing the future version of you with intention, courage, and clarity. Before you choose what you want… choose who you’re becoming.

The Enneagram Experience with Danielle. A self-paced guidance to explore your Enneagram type.
Learn more about Danielle here and follow along.

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Sources

¹ CORDIS EU Research Results — Trending Science: What does science say about all the failed New Year’s resolutions?

² CBS News — New Year’s Resolutions: Why they fail